Deep Thoughts

By Mariette Frey

Thanks for stopping by to read some of my random thoughts. They may be educational, inspirational or just plain entertaining...let me know what you think!

Are you a 'Starter' or a 'Finisher'?

Jan 29, 2023
Mariette's On The Move
Are you a 'Starter' or a 'Finisher'?

So, first off, I wanted to thank everyone that listened to my very first episode, and gave me some awesome feedback from what would be cool to hear about to changing my doorbell sound before my commercials to a race car because I'd have them racing to their next destination for their future. It was just very humbling and I just loved that people tuned in but there was one compliment that I got that just stood out and has kind of had me floating on cloud 9 all week because it was like, 'Yes!!! They get it, but I just need to help them articulate what they're getting but they get it! They understand what I'm trying to do, they just didn't associate that with moving at first. But they will' and that's kind of been going back and forth in my head like 'what examples can I give that will drive my messaging home to be able to articulate what I do and how it impacts your life on such a grander scale that you become the hero of your own story. You should be the protagonist of your own story. You will be the champion of your own stories. 

So, we'll come back to what that compliment was but, I thought maybe I could tell you a bit about me and you can get to know me and what I'm all about and why I have this desire to light people up when it comes to their desires and why it has a services energy behind it. I get so inspired when I see people taking action on their dreams and my desire is to help people feel the big joy I feel when I have a day soo productive that I feel like it's almost spiritually aligned action. Like, the kind of energy that you feel when you feel like you're moving towards something so great that it feels purpose driven. I have given people that inspiration and that confidence to get to their goals despite themselves or their tendency to self-sabotage or over think things. That's why I had 6 people over the course of 2 months tell me that I should be a life coach and my first thought at the time was 'I'm 44 and single, what the heck do I know about life' and the funny thing was, it was mostly me listening to their stories  and saying 'have you tried this' or 'what do you think is standing in your way of doing this' and just helping people verbally process what their trying to do and helping them get unstuck out of that habit or cycle that they were in.

I found a meme that at one point I printed out and hung on my fridge- it said 'If you want something bad enough, you'll find a way. If not, you'll find an excuse' and I instantly felt like I had to hack the things in my life that overwhelming even though that's an irrational thought because they are simple tasks. Winning the argument with yourself like dishes. I once timed myself to see how long it actually takes to do the dishes so the next time they piled up, I could say 'it only took me 2 minutes and 37 seconds. It's not going to take forever. Just do it' and a funny thing happened. Because when I would do the dishes the next time, I'd set the timer and try to beat that 2 mins and 37 seconds and then the 2 mins and 14 seconds and then next thing you know, I'm loading the dishwasher in a way that helps me beat my own goal. And then I told a friend about and now she's grouping the forks and spoons together on their separate side of the utensil caddy so she can grab them faster and get done quicker. And then dishes became this fun game and since I love waking up to a spotless kitchen, I'd go to bed with this in control feeling even though it was something so small, but nonethe less, it was a win.

But I didn't really have this huge ah-ha moment until I took Gretchen Rubin's 'The 4 Tendencies' workshop, I did it just after the pandemic happened, and right after I decided to really develop my ideas for Mariette's on the Move which would take all the things I'm passionate about and help me create a system not only for myself but for others that were in the same state of mind that I was. It literally knocked my socks off. One of the things she talked about was that some people are starters and some people are finishers. She basically nailed my vicious cycle and helped me take what I perceived to be a lack of discipline and turn it into something that wasn't shameful or something I should be beating myself up for, but gave me the language I needed to talk myself into being 1% better than I was the day before. Like the dishes. Or with my laundry- I had no problems separating the laundry, doing the separate loads but after they were dry- they'd sit in the dryer and I wasn't folding them right away so they'd get wrinkled. But a finisher would wait for the dryer to be done, and take them out right away- fold them and put them away. So knowing that I was a starter, I would push myself to be a finisher and say 'I didn't start this load of laundry to have it sit on my kitchen table for a week, I started it with the intention that I'd have a cleaner house.

My mom used to play this game with us that you had to finish the sentence, I feel the richest when (and you'd fill in the blank) but you couldn't use money as the answer and I'm pretty sure it wasn't because we didn't have a whole lot of it, I'm pretty sure it was so that we'd be grateful for non-monetary things in our lives. It's something that I still use today so like after I get my car washed and vacuumed out I'd say in my head 'I feel richest when my car is clean and smells good' or 'I feel richest when I have all my laundry cleaned, folded and put away' but again, it's like that super productive energy that you're caffeinated and ready to conquer the world!

It would be a dream to have Gretchen Rubin on my show to walk you through what she writes about in her book 'The 4 Tendencies' are and how it makes you more productive and happier, but I'll give you a high level overview and it will probably help you understand a bit about me in the meantime.

So there are 4 tendencies that people tend to have and mind you, she's had over a million people take the online quiz (it's in the show notes on the podcast) and the insights have helped people like myself make lasting changes. In the cover of the book, she says 'it's far easier to succeed when you know what actually works and why'- the emphasis is on the why. And that's what we figure out together in my practice but knowing what tendency someone is can be soo helpful when I'm coaching.

So here are the four tendencies:

 First one is the Upholder.

    • They don't need outer accountability to meet inner expectations. They're the type of person that decides they're going to run a marathon, they train and then they do it. The don't need a running group or anyone outside of themselves to keep them on track. Each tendency has a moto and their moto is 'discipline is my freedom'
  • The next one is the Questioner
    •  These are the type of people that want to gather their own facts, decide for themselves and they object anything they consider arbitrary. They only meet inner expectations, including outer expectations that they've turned into inner expectations. They say things like 'prove it' or  like their motto 'I'll comply if you convince me why' so they meet inner expectations but resists outer expectations.
  • Then there's the Rebel. They resist both inner and outer expectations. A funny story about the rebel, I had a coworker that was telling me that they weren't happy that they were gaining weight but didn't have time to go to the gym because they were working so much. Having just read this book, I was like 'soo- let me get this straight, you're not going to the gym because our company won't let you?' and he was 'no, I can do what I want' and I said 'well, you just said you're not going because of them' and it kind of worked like clockwork because all the sudden he had this new found motivation to be the company that actually wanted him to be healthy anyways. He resisted himself and his work but it was like he was sticking to the man, but the man wasn't the problem, he was the problem. And he actually lost a lot of weight proving them wrong.
    • So the rebel's motto is 'you can't make me and neither can I' which was exactly that situation and how I lean, but it's not my first tendency which is…
  •  The Obliger. The Obliger is someone that meets outer expectations but resists meeting inner expectations. This is the type of person that will stay up to midnight trying to get something done for their boss, despite the promise they made to themselves to get up at 5am to get to the gym which won't happen because the needed to meet their bosses expectation over their own goals. Or someone that wants to run a race, but really needs to have a group or someone waiting on them to show up to training, in order to get them to go if they really don't want to. They're motto is 'You can count on me. And I'm counting on you, to count on me' so Obligers make excellent colleagues and bosses. They follow through. They pitch in when people need help but they thrive on deadlines. They need to have that accountability or they won't get it done because Obligers have such a hard time saying 'NO' to anyone, if they're trying to do something solo like starting a business or a new project, they MUST establish a system of accountability or it won't get done. And you need to figure out how to keep yourself accountable like for me- the $12 charge of missing a class at OrangeTheory wasn't always enough to get me out of bed to go but a photoshoot or an event where I wanted to look really good for would, so I had to use 'Future Me' as that accountability partner I needed to get me to do something. Just like 'Future Me' likes to wake up to a clean kitchen to start my day.

This book is super powerful because it teaches you to communicate with people in other tendencies than where you are. You can quickly identify what motivates someone when you know what tendency they are and armed with what I knew about the tendencies and how I wanted to serve others that might need my help, I could create a new way of thinking about how we move through this life. That compliment that I got was that 'they thought me being a moving coach was just about moving, but that I can help people do soo much more than that. That I'm limiting myself when I say that I'm a moving coach because as they went on to say, 'I could help them financially get out of debt and help them save for their move. Or when it comes to them figuring out how to help them health-wise, I can teach them about how food affects their mental and physical health like a dietician. Or helping them to optimize their day by figuring out where they should move in that city so they had a better work/life balance. I could help them in so many areas' and I said 'yeah, moving them forward in life. A moving coach. A 'moving forward in life' coach.

Almost like paying it forward to those that lit my way through 18 moves to 5 of America's top cities. So for instance, I left Chicago, to move to San Diego, where I only knew a few people there but they guided me once I got there. They helped me integrate into a community that I still keep in touch with today but that helped me find everything from an apartment to a hair stylist in town, all because they had done it just a few years before me and they helped me because that's just how they were. They knew I'd love it as much as they did and wanted to help me thrive too.

I then moved up to San Francisco where I was introduced to the cousin of a coworker who had  moved to San Francisco several years before, coming off the road as a travel nurse because she found a great city and decided to stay and was building her girl tribe. She brought me into it. I still talk to many of those women today. Some that I have very fond memories with that I still cheer on from a far. That tribe made my experience memorable and several still bring me a lot of joy today whether its walks around the reservoir with my coworker turned KarBear soul sister to our numerous trips to Sonoma, Napa and my absolute happy place, Healdsburg. Where I watched Ferris Bueller's Day off in a wine barn while enjoying a bottle of that barn's wine with the vitners that made it. We were just invited in because that was there culture and I loved it. Now I watch a dateline so I probably wouldn't fall for that these days but it was a carefree time.

I then somewhat spontaneously moved to NYC because I didn't feel like I was moving forward in my life in San Francisco and I was ready for a fresh start. I had a very expensive roller coaster of a year and a half before I missed the comforts of my old friends and family and came back to Chicago. Spent several years back and forth from the city to the burbs renovating a few houses with my dad before I started trekking south, stopping half way down IL, where, just a few weeks after I got there, happened to go on a few episodes of below deck Mediterranean on Bravo with my San Francisco bestie and a few of her friends through a couple of crazy turn of events that lead to an opening. Fast forward to my move to Charlotte and one of those women just happened to move to Charlotte a few months before me and between all my cousins that live here from both sides of my family, her and her tribe that she invited me into, I instantly felt like I was home and I've been operating like that since I got here. This is where I want to place roots and settle in my home life.

But that's kind of my why as well. I love to help people. I love to help people get out of their own way with their health and finances and get to their dreams. And I think it makes my services so unique because I either help you move closer to your dreams, or be content in that the dream has changed and you no longer have it hanging over your head as some big failure or regret. It doesn't have to be like that. It literally can be that you've changed your mind and pivoted but until you give that dream closure, it's really hard to not feel like you've missed out on something that could have been great and that it's your own fault. That's why we do things like a proof of concept or a POC. That's why we book a trip back home or wherever you move from 5 months and two weeks into your new journey- because you'll either start feeling nostalgic around then and need a reminder of why you moved or it will fill your tank to get back and do what you were meant to do.

On the next episode, before we start getting into the interviews and the city spotlights I have lined up for you, I'm going to tell you a couple stories from my coaching practice. One that's just about suggestions with things I've learned that I am passing on, one that's a little bit deeper, one that's pretty complex. There are many different ways to prepare for your future but I think that's why you'll see my unique niche in the relocation industry can be applied to so many more areas outside of moving, all which will move you forward. Thanks for checking out the podcast! 

Connect with me on the Mariette's On The Move LinkedIn page, on my personal page, my Instagram or my Facebook page. If you'd like to support the show, simply check out my affiliate pages linked below, buy yourself some schwag and I'd love for you tag me on social when you open the box!

Doing Dry January? Sober? Sober Curious? Want to be a more inclusive and #consideratepartyhost this year? Join the On The Mocks Community on Facebook or Instagram. Share your recipes, I'd love to see them! I recently shared a Zero Proof Gin recipe over the holidays, it was awesome! Not celebrating Dry January and love wine? No problem! Join my Scout & Cellar Wine Club to get some organic or biodynamic wines sourced from all over the world. They're amazing!

I've extended my giveaway of the super cute Hot Pink Savvi Hat  that says "Moving Forward Together" through the end of February! If you comment 'Hot Pink Hat' on any of the Mariette's On The Move podcast episode posts in January or February! Every Friday we do a Shop The Drop which releases new clothes to the line but I love all of Savvi's athletic and athleisure wear!

A great skincare routine can significantly reduce the aging process which I'm all about. I love the all-natural ingredients of  Monat (Modern Nature) products, especially in their haircare stuff. They're the first anti-aging hair care line and I already had thin hair, I use the IR Clinical Hair Thinning Defense and will be documenting my journey, I mean, who doesn't want thicker, fuller hair in just 60 days? That goes for you too men, I see you.


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